my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
