A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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