I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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