I hate all girls vehemently.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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