ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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