i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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