Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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