from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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