Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
