I wanna bring you to show and tell
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
