did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
