Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
