Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
