Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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