Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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