I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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