i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
