TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wish my penis had a tongue
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
