with your own penis?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
