last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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