I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize