i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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