I think i peed on brittanys purse
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
