I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
