I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
