After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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