My boss' voice literally gives me gas
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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