Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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