Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
