Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
