Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i think i just lost a toe
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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