there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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