You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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