I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
