Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
