I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
