At least make sure they are 18
Why
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
