So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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