i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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