found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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