using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
