Kiss
Puke
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
