highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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