I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
