Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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