we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
