People in love make me want to vomit
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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