u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
