Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
