sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
