we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
