I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize