Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
