i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
