4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
