i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
