he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
