Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
