remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So much rum. So many feels.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
