Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
