I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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