help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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