you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
