yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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