The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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