dude i'm inner monologue high
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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