i think my tv is drunk
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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