no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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