There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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