He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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