i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
