I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
