I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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