Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
