I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
