I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity