Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You're like the curious george of whores
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night