a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
