How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
third nipple confirmed
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
