Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
